What Do I Do About Neighbors, Visitors, or “Check-Ins”?
“Just be friendly” is not a plan. In prolonged disruption, social contact becomes a visibility problem: the more people associate your home with stability, the more requests, attention, and testing you attract.
This page gives practical ways to handle neighbors and check-ins without oversharing, setting expectations you can’t sustain, or becoming the neighborhood resource hub. The goal is polite, controlled interaction with minimal information leakage.
Fast Rule Principles Scripts Boundaries Helping Without Becoming the Hub High-Friction Situations Checklists FAQ
Fast rule
Answer less. Offer less. Set expectations early.
The quickest way to become a problem is to become known as “the prepared house.” Low-profile social behavior is about controlling information and controlling routines.
Three rules that prevent 80% of issues:
(1) don’t discuss supplies, (2) don’t create a help routine,
(3) keep interactions short and non-patterned.
Visibility basics: How people accidentally signal supplies →
Principles
The real goal: prevent your home from becoming a “known stable point”
In disruption, people probe for stability: who has power, who has food, who has “answers.” If your home becomes associated with stability, you attract requests and attention — and you lose control.
Principle 1
Short interactions
Keep conversations brief. Don’t let check-ins turn into hangouts.
Principle 2
Low information
Avoid specifics. “We’re okay for now” beats details about what you have.
Principle 3
No routines
Never create a predictable “come here for help” time or pattern.
Principle 4
No performance
Don’t perform competence. Advice-giving makes you memorable.
Principle 5
Help quietly (or not)
If you help, do it in ways that don’t advertise capacity or repeatability.
Principle 6
Exit the conversation
Have a polite “closing line” ready so you can end interactions cleanly.
Scripts
Simple phrases that reduce questions (without sounding weird)
These are “low-information” answers. They keep you polite while preventing the conversation from becoming an inventory interview.
Check-in
“Are you guys okay?”
“Yeah, we’re okay for now. Just staying calm and limiting trips. Hope you’re doing alright.”
“We’re fine at the moment. Keeping it simple and waiting for updates.”
Inventory probe
“Do you have supplies / power?”
“Not much more than normal. We’re just being careful.”
“We’re managing day by day like everyone else.”
Help request
“Can you spare ___?”
“I can’t right now — we’re tight and trying to make ours last.”
“I’m not able to. I hope you find what you need.”
Plan probe
“What’s your plan?”
“Nothing special — just watching updates and staying put unless something changes.”
“Keeping it simple. If we need to move, we’ll do it early and quietly.”
The key is consistency: short answer → polite redirect → end the interaction.
Boundaries
How to set boundaries without escalating
Boundaries fail when you negotiate in the moment. Decide your rules now and repeat them calmly.
| Boundary you need | What to say (simple) | Why it works |
|---|---|---|
| No extended visits | “We’re keeping visits short right now. Take care.” | Prevents your home becoming a hangout or observation point. |
| No charging / no hub | “We’re not doing charging here. Trying to keep everything minimal.” | Stops you becoming the neighborhood utility. |
| No lending supplies | “I can’t spare any — we’re trying to make ours last.” | Ends the request without revealing inventory depth. |
| No plan discussions | “We’re just watching updates like everyone else.” | Prevents you becoming “the planner” people follow. |
| Stop repeat check-ins | “We’re okay. If anything changes we’ll let you know.” | Closes the loop and breaks the routine. |
Boundary language is calm, boring, and repeatable. Don’t argue your boundary. Repeat it and end the interaction.
Helping
How to help without becoming the resource hub
Helping can be smart — or it can turn your home into a magnet. The safest help is small, quiet, and non-repeatable.
Lower risk
Help that doesn’t advertise inventory
- Share information that is public (official updates), not your resources.
- Offer small “one-time” assistance you can stop without drama.
- Help away from your home when possible (avoid making your home the location).
- Keep quantities small and unremarkable.
Higher risk
Help that creates a magnet
- Charging phones at your house.
- Handing out food/water repeatedly.
- Letting people “hang out” because your place is comfortable.
- Becoming the “problem solver” who organizes everyone.
The moment help becomes a routine, it becomes a demand.
High-friction
What to do when interactions get pushy
If someone escalates (pressure, guilt, “I know you have it”), the goal is to reduce time in contact and avoid argument. You’re not persuading them. You’re ending the interaction.
Move 1
Go neutral
Short sentences. No explanations. “I can’t.” “Not able to.”
Move 2
End the contact
“I’ve got to get back inside.” Close door. Don’t keep talking.
Move 3
Change the channel
Move the conversation away from supplies: “Any updates from officials?”
If you feel targeted, reduce contact and re-check your stay/leave decision.
Core decision: Should I stay or leave? →
Checklist
Before you answer the door (10 seconds)
- Goal: keep it short.
- Info rule: no supplies, no quantities, no plans.
- Exit line: have a closing line ready (“I’ve got to get back inside.”).
- Location rule: don’t invite people in “for a minute.”
- Routine rule: don’t let visits become a pattern.
Checklist
If check-ins become frequent
- Repeat the same low-info answer every time.
- Stop engaging in long conversations.
- Reduce visible signals (light/noise/cooking/trash) to avoid attracting more attention.
- Do not create a “help station” routine.
- If you feel targeted, reduce contact and reassess risk.
Low-profile basics: How to stay low-profile while sheltering →
Social pressure is a visibility problem. Treat it like one.
Keep interactions short, keep information low, and never create routines that make your home a known stable point. Help only in ways you can sustain quietly — or don’t help.
← Back to hub | Signals page →FAQ
Should I tell neighbors what I have so we can “coordinate”?
No. Coordination usually becomes inventory sharing. It creates expectations and makes you memorable. Share public information (official updates), not private resources.
Is it rude to refuse help requests?
No. You can be polite without becoming the resource hub. A calm “I can’t” is safer than negotiating or explaining.
What if someone keeps coming back?
Repeat the same low-info answer, keep interactions shorter, and end contact faster. If it feels like targeting, reduce contact and reassess your risk situation.
What’s the biggest mistake with check-ins?
Oversharing and creating routines. Once your home becomes a known stable point, attention becomes a demand.